Dear Moumoun,
The fact that I couldnt face you, might just because that I wouldn't give up the hope from you, thinking that I might mean something to you.
But what Fanfan said might be right, we're just from different world, I'm someone who is serious to my feelings and my words and my promises, you are not. How can I force someone totally different to respect my principles.
Whether I'm still important for you is not important anymore, whether I mean something to you has no meanings anymore.
But I still couldn't hold to give you the authority to choose, I'll keep making efforts to avoid you, and you'll decide whether to do something or not. I feel myself empathic, I'm nothing to you, I swallowed my pride, and still can't refuse to be little before you. I accept I loving you, but couldnt accept that I'm nothing to you.
Life is still going on, there're so many people different from me, but I just fell for you. What a pity. I'll try doing the same thing as two years ago, quietly counting the days.
Love,
Miao
I'm so useless
Moumoun,
I miss you so much...
I hate myself always having you in my dream. This morning, you talked to me by my ear, saying "I treat yotreat you so much as a real friend..." and then you slapped me lightly, and then I woke almost crying, it was 6h59.
I fell asleep at around 3 o'clock, I don't know whether it was because of the alcohol or my sadness, I couldn't, just as I couldn't forget you and move on.
Last night at the party of working group, I was feeling so unwell, you proposed to send me back home by car, and tried to say that you remembered my address, however you tried, I refused. I just don't want fall again. God knows what I am going through. I don't want ever ever to experience the pain again.
In fact, even I tried to avoid you in every occasion, there's always sometime you want to get me to react to your talking, but dear Moumoun, how am I gonna react when you're not there, how am I gonna react to all the dreams I may have with you inside coldly hurt me, how could I face again being abandoned and forgotten by you? How could I stop loving you?
I cried and cried today, because the dream was so real. Fanfan said that deep inside I hope that I chose to avoid you is wrong, I hope I'm really your friend. But being a friend to you has to accept that you don't care for many things. I feel being teared apart, one part wanting you to treat me indifferently to prove what I am doing is right, the other preferring that you still care me as I still love you. It hurts each time when I see you, it hurts each time when you try to talk with me.
I feel so bad, how can I stand still two month.
I want to crawl out of the darkness.
I really miss you, I don't want to be missing you.
Love
Miao
I miss you so much...
I hate myself always having you in my dream. This morning, you talked to me by my ear, saying "I treat yotreat you so much as a real friend..." and then you slapped me lightly, and then I woke almost crying, it was 6h59.
I fell asleep at around 3 o'clock, I don't know whether it was because of the alcohol or my sadness, I couldn't, just as I couldn't forget you and move on.
Last night at the party of working group, I was feeling so unwell, you proposed to send me back home by car, and tried to say that you remembered my address, however you tried, I refused. I just don't want fall again. God knows what I am going through. I don't want ever ever to experience the pain again.
In fact, even I tried to avoid you in every occasion, there's always sometime you want to get me to react to your talking, but dear Moumoun, how am I gonna react when you're not there, how am I gonna react to all the dreams I may have with you inside coldly hurt me, how could I face again being abandoned and forgotten by you? How could I stop loving you?
I cried and cried today, because the dream was so real. Fanfan said that deep inside I hope that I chose to avoid you is wrong, I hope I'm really your friend. But being a friend to you has to accept that you don't care for many things. I feel being teared apart, one part wanting you to treat me indifferently to prove what I am doing is right, the other preferring that you still care me as I still love you. It hurts each time when I see you, it hurts each time when you try to talk with me.
I feel so bad, how can I stand still two month.
I want to crawl out of the darkness.
I really miss you, I don't want to be missing you.
Love
Miao
This will never end
Moumoun,
I miss you. But I hate that I love you, I hate that I have to see you every day, and still couldnt move on.
I'm so useless, I just pretend that I dont care, as you never care.
I'm so stupid.
I really miss you.
Miao
I miss you. But I hate that I love you, I hate that I have to see you every day, and still couldnt move on.
I'm so useless, I just pretend that I dont care, as you never care.
I'm so stupid.
I really miss you.
Miao
Maybe it's better never to say Maybe
Moumoun,
I thought I could, but still can't. Every time when I think it's the time, seeing you again screwed me up again and again. Sometimes I am so afraid of the thinking that I should live with the love and missing for you for my whole life.
For now, I can still be selfish, recording all my feelings about you here time to time, but if in 10 years I still am doing this, this might not be a good idea. Last night, the notes for the BSF said that if we keeping looking for someone or something in stead of God to satisfy us, they are the idols. You might be this kind of idol for me, God, please help me to do the right thing to Moumoun! The same prayer has been said for about two years, maybe I still haven't see your will. Please help me!
Moumoun, recently when I think about you, I find that you have disappeared, the one I see in front of eyes, and the one on the facebook are not the one Moumoun I know. Where have you gone ? Where have you gone ?
Were you just the dream as every one I had deep in the night or early in the morning ? As the one where I cried and where I smiled?
The difficulty of saying goodbye to you might just be the fact of saying goodbye to myself with all the memories or imaginations, the fact might be just that Iciuld accept my failure. My failure of refusing to love you, my failure of holding back to the dangerous you, my failure of not thinking about you...
It's so hard that I fell in love with you, at the time when you are disappaearing.
Moumoun, I miss you, I miss you so much, can you feel it? Where are you? Where are you? Will I love you till the death?
You'll soon have a baby, though the news is from others, I know you'll be a great father.
Congratulations!
Love,
Miao
I thought I could, but still can't. Every time when I think it's the time, seeing you again screwed me up again and again. Sometimes I am so afraid of the thinking that I should live with the love and missing for you for my whole life.
For now, I can still be selfish, recording all my feelings about you here time to time, but if in 10 years I still am doing this, this might not be a good idea. Last night, the notes for the BSF said that if we keeping looking for someone or something in stead of God to satisfy us, they are the idols. You might be this kind of idol for me, God, please help me to do the right thing to Moumoun! The same prayer has been said for about two years, maybe I still haven't see your will. Please help me!
Moumoun, recently when I think about you, I find that you have disappeared, the one I see in front of eyes, and the one on the facebook are not the one Moumoun I know. Where have you gone ? Where have you gone ?
Were you just the dream as every one I had deep in the night or early in the morning ? As the one where I cried and where I smiled?
The difficulty of saying goodbye to you might just be the fact of saying goodbye to myself with all the memories or imaginations, the fact might be just that Iciuld accept my failure. My failure of refusing to love you, my failure of holding back to the dangerous you, my failure of not thinking about you...
It's so hard that I fell in love with you, at the time when you are disappaearing.
Moumoun, I miss you, I miss you so much, can you feel it? Where are you? Where are you? Will I love you till the death?
You'll soon have a baby, though the news is from others, I know you'll be a great father.
Congratulations!
Love,
Miao
Last Goodbye... Maybe
Dear Moumoun,
You appeared again, in my dream this morning, you were so considerate with me in the dream.
Maybe this is the last goodbye I say to you. Since last SMS, the reality become more and more clear to me. My life is so limit, I could spend it always to saying goodbye to you. Each of our lives has little space for other people, only the most important stay, you've been staying her for so long time. And I think this should be mutual, as I have no space in your life, there's no use to keep yours here anyway, as you'll never come back.
I finally let it go I think, after the last desperation. The final one, I hope.
Enjoy your life and the important ones in it. Though I really do love you, I have to move on. I don't know whether I'll love you till the end of my life, but every time when I think about you, I hope you're smiling at the other end of the world.
Love you, deep inside.
I'll leave my love buried very deep as my love for you.
Try my best,
Love,
Miao
You appeared again, in my dream this morning, you were so considerate with me in the dream.
Maybe this is the last goodbye I say to you. Since last SMS, the reality become more and more clear to me. My life is so limit, I could spend it always to saying goodbye to you. Each of our lives has little space for other people, only the most important stay, you've been staying her for so long time. And I think this should be mutual, as I have no space in your life, there's no use to keep yours here anyway, as you'll never come back.
I finally let it go I think, after the last desperation. The final one, I hope.
Enjoy your life and the important ones in it. Though I really do love you, I have to move on. I don't know whether I'll love you till the end of my life, but every time when I think about you, I hope you're smiling at the other end of the world.
Love you, deep inside.
I'll leave my love buried very deep as my love for you.
Try my best,
Love,
Miao
Understanding
Dear Moumoun,
You told me that you understood all and you would not bother me any more.
I don't know what to say and what I should feel. What I expected was not that, I thought that you would help me to get over if you really understand. But your attitude is like that you couldn't help me, it's my own business, it's nothing with you have done. You're innocent, I'm the only guilty.
Anyway, I'll not regret, as I've tried to explain to you why, and asked whether you feel hurt or uncomfortable, you said no. Your no is no. Maybe you just don't care any more, or you never cared.
Miss the kind Moumoun.
Love,
Miao
Another Goodbye
Dear Moumoun,
Today you asked me to talk with you, asking me if I have some problems with you, and you felt that I'm cold with you. I said no, I had no problem with you. Then you asked me whether I have something to tell you, if I have problems, I can tell you. I said no, all I wanted to say had been said.
I felt so panicked, and I decided to send you the sms, asking you to consider me just as a normal colleague, as we had not known each other, which would be simple, you were the manager and I was the employee, it was all. You replied me no problem, as you'll leave soon, I can be relaxed. "Merci!".
I have been thinking about your message again and again since then, I feel so sad and so bad. I wish that you might no be hurt by what I said, and I know that you might not even care at all. You still don't understand me as last year, and I still haven't figured out how to face with you. Maybe you couldn't understand this emotion, maybe never, or maybe you understand, but you don't care, as for many things. Deep down, I think maybe you care, but I kept telling myself again and again that it must not be true, or else I would not have been hurt like this.
Sometimes I doubt that it was all my fault, but when I read back what I had written and the messages between you and me, the feeling of being hurt came back again.
Maybe Fanfan was right, you are the obstacle "dead or alive" of my life, I couldn't get rid of the feelings about you, nor can I forget about you.
I feel like crying. Hope I can forget you and my feelings for you one day. But meanwhile I don't want to forget you. Anyway, hope your appearance of not caring at all will help to get you out of my mind, out of my heart, and out of my dreams.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
Today you asked me to talk with you, asking me if I have some problems with you, and you felt that I'm cold with you. I said no, I had no problem with you. Then you asked me whether I have something to tell you, if I have problems, I can tell you. I said no, all I wanted to say had been said.
I felt so panicked, and I decided to send you the sms, asking you to consider me just as a normal colleague, as we had not known each other, which would be simple, you were the manager and I was the employee, it was all. You replied me no problem, as you'll leave soon, I can be relaxed. "Merci!".
I have been thinking about your message again and again since then, I feel so sad and so bad. I wish that you might no be hurt by what I said, and I know that you might not even care at all. You still don't understand me as last year, and I still haven't figured out how to face with you. Maybe you couldn't understand this emotion, maybe never, or maybe you understand, but you don't care, as for many things. Deep down, I think maybe you care, but I kept telling myself again and again that it must not be true, or else I would not have been hurt like this.
Sometimes I doubt that it was all my fault, but when I read back what I had written and the messages between you and me, the feeling of being hurt came back again.
Maybe Fanfan was right, you are the obstacle "dead or alive" of my life, I couldn't get rid of the feelings about you, nor can I forget about you.
I feel like crying. Hope I can forget you and my feelings for you one day. But meanwhile I don't want to forget you. Anyway, hope your appearance of not caring at all will help to get you out of my mind, out of my heart, and out of my dreams.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
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