Another Goodbye

Dear Moumoun,

Today you asked me to talk with you, asking me if I have some problems with you, and you felt that I'm cold with you. I said no, I had no problem with you. Then you asked me whether I have something to tell you, if I have problems, I can tell you. I said no, all I wanted to say had been said.

I felt so panicked, and I decided to send you the sms, asking you to consider me just as a normal colleague, as we had not known each other, which would be simple, you were the manager and I was the employee, it was all. You replied me no problem, as you'll leave soon, I can be relaxed. "Merci!".

I have been thinking about your message again and again since then, I feel so sad and so bad. I wish that you might no be hurt by what I said, and I know that you might not even care at all. You still don't understand me as last year, and I still haven't figured out how to face with you. Maybe you couldn't understand this emotion, maybe never, or maybe you understand, but you don't care, as for many things. Deep down, I think maybe you care, but I kept telling myself again and again that it must not be true, or else I would not have been hurt like this.

Sometimes I doubt that it was all my fault, but when I read back what I had written and the messages between you and me, the feeling of being hurt came back again.

Maybe Fanfan was right, you are the obstacle "dead or alive" of my life, I couldn't get rid of the feelings about you, nor can I forget about you.

I feel like crying. Hope I can forget you and my feelings for you one day. But meanwhile I don't want to forget you. Anyway, hope your appearance of not caring at all will help to get you out of my mind, out of my heart, and out of my dreams.

Missing you.

Love,
Miao