It's been a long time. I've been dreaming about you recently again. Almost each time when I dream of you, you will contact me one or two days later. It was like that I know when you will text me.
You called me and sent me SMSs, but I reacted very indifferently. Because I don't know how to act naturally with you. I don't know whether you understand, but it is really hard for me. I hope in this life we will not see each other again.
I don't know why things go on like this. But I really don't want to get back and replay again. Maybe this is the best for us.
When I was expecting my little Asher, it was really hard while approaching the day of birth. Each day I was expecting his coming, thinking about every possible situation, and after passing about one week's life like this, he finally came sound and safe. I was having the biggest physical pain I had been through in this life. But the end turned out to be good, for both him and me. It was the day your wedding was supposed to be held. The 13th of September. The night before this day, you sent me message asking me whether I'm going well. I told you that I might have my baby born the next day. You said before going for you honeymoon you would still in Paris the following three days and asked me whether I need something or not. What I was saying in my heart was "I hope I will never see you again." But saying "No thank you" to you.
I'm sorry I have to be difficult and cold to you. But I really don't know how to do better. I've really tried my best.
The days following the birth of my boy are not better, everyday I have to breastfeed him and change the diapers. When I'm looking at the little fat thing sleeping and smiling, I feel very satisfied. But when he cannot be calmed down, and I couldnt understand him, I feel so helpless and I just don't know how to pass the time before he grows up.
Life is so hard.
Thank you for listening to me Moumoun.
Love,
Miao
