Dear Moumoun,
You appeared again, in my dream this morning, you were so considerate with me in the dream.
Maybe this is the last goodbye I say to you. Since last SMS, the reality become more and more clear to me. My life is so limit, I could spend it always to saying goodbye to you. Each of our lives has little space for other people, only the most important stay, you've been staying her for so long time. And I think this should be mutual, as I have no space in your life, there's no use to keep yours here anyway, as you'll never come back.
I finally let it go I think, after the last desperation. The final one, I hope.
Enjoy your life and the important ones in it. Though I really do love you, I have to move on. I don't know whether I'll love you till the end of my life, but every time when I think about you, I hope you're smiling at the other end of the world.
Love you, deep inside.
I'll leave my love buried very deep as my love for you.
Try my best,
Love,
Miao
Understanding
Dear Moumoun,
You told me that you understood all and you would not bother me any more.
I don't know what to say and what I should feel. What I expected was not that, I thought that you would help me to get over if you really understand. But your attitude is like that you couldn't help me, it's my own business, it's nothing with you have done. You're innocent, I'm the only guilty.
Anyway, I'll not regret, as I've tried to explain to you why, and asked whether you feel hurt or uncomfortable, you said no. Your no is no. Maybe you just don't care any more, or you never cared.
Miss the kind Moumoun.
Love,
Miao
Another Goodbye
Dear Moumoun,
Today you asked me to talk with you, asking me if I have some problems with you, and you felt that I'm cold with you. I said no, I had no problem with you. Then you asked me whether I have something to tell you, if I have problems, I can tell you. I said no, all I wanted to say had been said.
I felt so panicked, and I decided to send you the sms, asking you to consider me just as a normal colleague, as we had not known each other, which would be simple, you were the manager and I was the employee, it was all. You replied me no problem, as you'll leave soon, I can be relaxed. "Merci!".
I have been thinking about your message again and again since then, I feel so sad and so bad. I wish that you might no be hurt by what I said, and I know that you might not even care at all. You still don't understand me as last year, and I still haven't figured out how to face with you. Maybe you couldn't understand this emotion, maybe never, or maybe you understand, but you don't care, as for many things. Deep down, I think maybe you care, but I kept telling myself again and again that it must not be true, or else I would not have been hurt like this.
Sometimes I doubt that it was all my fault, but when I read back what I had written and the messages between you and me, the feeling of being hurt came back again.
Maybe Fanfan was right, you are the obstacle "dead or alive" of my life, I couldn't get rid of the feelings about you, nor can I forget about you.
I feel like crying. Hope I can forget you and my feelings for you one day. But meanwhile I don't want to forget you. Anyway, hope your appearance of not caring at all will help to get you out of my mind, out of my heart, and out of my dreams.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
Today you asked me to talk with you, asking me if I have some problems with you, and you felt that I'm cold with you. I said no, I had no problem with you. Then you asked me whether I have something to tell you, if I have problems, I can tell you. I said no, all I wanted to say had been said.
I felt so panicked, and I decided to send you the sms, asking you to consider me just as a normal colleague, as we had not known each other, which would be simple, you were the manager and I was the employee, it was all. You replied me no problem, as you'll leave soon, I can be relaxed. "Merci!".
I have been thinking about your message again and again since then, I feel so sad and so bad. I wish that you might no be hurt by what I said, and I know that you might not even care at all. You still don't understand me as last year, and I still haven't figured out how to face with you. Maybe you couldn't understand this emotion, maybe never, or maybe you understand, but you don't care, as for many things. Deep down, I think maybe you care, but I kept telling myself again and again that it must not be true, or else I would not have been hurt like this.
Sometimes I doubt that it was all my fault, but when I read back what I had written and the messages between you and me, the feeling of being hurt came back again.
Maybe Fanfan was right, you are the obstacle "dead or alive" of my life, I couldn't get rid of the feelings about you, nor can I forget about you.
I feel like crying. Hope I can forget you and my feelings for you one day. But meanwhile I don't want to forget you. Anyway, hope your appearance of not caring at all will help to get you out of my mind, out of my heart, and out of my dreams.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
The separation
Dear Moumoun,
How are you doing?
This morning I thought about your farewell party in two months, I was thinking about asking the days off, so that I would have excuse not being part of the party. By thinking about all this, I felt so sad, because this reminds me of the longtime that I spend saying goodbye to you.
Since the first article of this blog, I kept waving goodbye to you. I don't know the meaning of seeing you again, I don't want to face with you, because I have no other means except protecting myself by staying away with you. But I could always see you, in the dreams, and during the days. What's more, sometimes I have to sit beside you, working with you, though it lasted not long time, seeing your eyes make me sad. You put all the gifts I gave you on the desk, each time when I saw them, I felt someone punched my heart.
What I have done for our relationship! I couldn't make it better, nor it will get worse.
The worst is not that I see you everyday, but the fact that I'm still loving you.
P.S. Even Fanfan had you appeared in her dream, poor girl.
Love,
Miao
How are you doing?
This morning I thought about your farewell party in two months, I was thinking about asking the days off, so that I would have excuse not being part of the party. By thinking about all this, I felt so sad, because this reminds me of the longtime that I spend saying goodbye to you.
Since the first article of this blog, I kept waving goodbye to you. I don't know the meaning of seeing you again, I don't want to face with you, because I have no other means except protecting myself by staying away with you. But I could always see you, in the dreams, and during the days. What's more, sometimes I have to sit beside you, working with you, though it lasted not long time, seeing your eyes make me sad. You put all the gifts I gave you on the desk, each time when I saw them, I felt someone punched my heart.
What I have done for our relationship! I couldn't make it better, nor it will get worse.
The worst is not that I see you everyday, but the fact that I'm still loving you.
P.S. Even Fanfan had you appeared in her dream, poor girl.
Love,
Miao
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