Maybe it's better never to say Maybe

Moumoun,

I thought I could, but still can't. Every time when I think it's the time, seeing you again screwed me up again and again. Sometimes I am so afraid of the thinking that I should live with the love and missing for you for my whole life.

For now, I can still be selfish, recording all my feelings about you here time to time, but if in 10 years I still am doing this, this might not be a good idea. Last night, the notes for the BSF said that if we keeping looking for someone or something in stead of God to satisfy us, they are the idols. You might be this kind of idol for me, God, please help me to do the right thing to Moumoun! The same prayer has been said for about two years, maybe I still haven't see your will. Please help me!

Moumoun, recently when I think about you, I find that you have disappeared, the one I see in front of eyes, and the one on the facebook are not the one Moumoun I know. Where have you gone ? Where have you gone ?

Were you just the dream as every one I had deep in the night or early in the morning ? As the one where I cried and where I smiled?

The difficulty of saying goodbye to you might just be the fact of saying goodbye to myself with all the memories or imaginations, the fact might be just that Iciuld accept my failure. My failure of refusing to love you, my failure of holding back to the dangerous you, my failure of not thinking about you...

It's so hard that I fell in love with you, at the time when you are disappaearing.

Moumoun, I miss you, I miss you so much, can you feel it? Where are you? Where are you? Will I love you till the death?

You'll soon have a baby, though the news is from others, I know you'll be a great father.

Congratulations!

Love,
Miao