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Dear Moumoun,

Finally you came back, with a tanned skin and bright smile. I was afraid you being back, as it seemed that I finally got used to a life without you, but your return will break all the balance.

I didn't expect myself enjoying the life without you, but it made me proud of myself, thinking that as long as I make efforts, I can get over the missing.

I don't know what the fact really is, but I enjoyed the way you looked at me. It Elias like bathing in the sunshine, or watching the fluctuation of the water when wind passing by with sunlight shining.

You got fiancé the weekend, congratulations, I feel happy for you, new life is ahead waiting for you, you took too much responsibility, while there'll be someone sharing with you that'll be much better.
You said it was too fast, maybe if it were not, you would never choose to get married.

All the best.

Love,

Miao

Something missing

Dear MM,

The week without you seems very long, but not as difficult as I imagined. Every day I work hard, hoping to see your smile while you're back.

I always thought that maybe I'll keep my "love" for you, if the feeling should really be called "love", no matter whether you'll get married, have children as I have done. But when I saw the picture with both of you in the sunshine, almost nude on the beach, for the first time I didn't laugh like a baby when I saw the picture from you in the vacation. Maybe my feeling is not as pure as I've thought.

It's not sad, it's not a feeling of disappointment, I don't know how to explain it... It seems that there was something stuck in the stomach that I don't feel well.

I should feel happy as you're happy, shouldn't I?

I miss you, you were in my dream last night again.

Anyway, you have to go far away to protect your beautiful rose. That's what I had already know, but I don't understand why I'm not feeling good.

There must be something missing.

Love,

Miao

Dream & Reality

Dear MM,

I had a dream last Thursday. It was likely that we've been invited to a wedding. There were so many people, everyone was laughing and playing. I don't know why at first we were walking and then you were waiting for me while we were both biking, and in the end was the image of skating together...

It was a beautiful dream, while we were walking on a street with trees on each side, the dim lamp light coming through the leaves, your face was sad with tears shining in the eyes, as you were telling me that you are in love with me, and you know I feel the same way, but we both know that we couldn't be together. After saying that, you hugged me with your strong arms, I leaned onto your shoulder, with tears in the eyes too.

Then it was another story I think, my bike was broken, some friends and you were waiting for me, we all seemed so happy, maybe because it was because of the wedding.

I don't know why, at the end you were skating with my arms around your waist while my feet were in the air.

Anyways, these are the best moments I ever had in my dreams. The thing is amazing is that you joked that you were in love with me the very next day. You'll never know that it was just like a feeling of dream comes true!

There're so many things that is possible only in the dreams.

I want to go to see the sea with you.
I want to go to the very deserted island with you.
I want to spend all day long with you just by your side, talking or just being silence.
I want to listen to you playing guitar.
I want you to read to me the bedtime stories with your charming voice.
...
There're so many things that I want to do with you. But I know well that they'll never happen. The real world is like a mixture of the dream and the reality. Like the letter I'm now writing, there're some feelings you know about me though you don't say all the time, but I record them as if you never know. Because I'm not sure whether you really know me or not.

Missing you.

Love,

Miao

Jealousy

Dear MM,

Love must be the most mysterious but most common emotion that exists in this world.
They always say that the jealousy is the friend of love, if you don't love, you won't have the feelings of jealousy.

When I realized that I couldn't accept what the beautiful colleague did to you, specially the things she showed the intimacy with you, I asked myself whether I was jealous of her beauty instead of the emotion of sadness of losing you. With the time passing by, I finally figure out that what I don't like is the idea of being replaced by someone else to you. I hated the way you explained to me that you were just teasing between her and you like sister and brother, just as we had been.

But today, it seems like that I'm no longer struggling with the idea of leaving, being forgotten or being replaced. After all, I've imagined so many times about this coming future. I was inspired by the notes of BSF, talking about Myriam's jealousy against Moses, in the notes, it says don't be jealousy about the position... It is talking about the church. But I was thinking about myself while reading it.

It's better that you have someone who can replace me, at least you could be happier like that. Why do I want you to be unhappy?

I want you to be happy even if I could not be around you in your life.

Love,

Miao

And then you

Dear MM,

I thank God that I have you in my life. You're so special for me, sometimes it feels more than friendship, sometimes it feels more like family, sometimes more than lovers. Maybe that's because this kind of emotion is so precious for me that I'm always afraid that I'll lose it one day.

You said that even your girlfriend haven't see you angry like you were with me laat time, as for you, you're the only opposite sex that I could be totally transparent. My love for you is hard to explain, but I hope/think that you might understand You're my little prince that I want to watch over.

I just saw a film in which a father wrote to his daughter saying that "the unbeautifulness of the world is to prove the existence of the beauty". You begin to take easy with your life, it may be better for you, at least you begin to appreciate the beauty of the world.

I loved the song And Then You when I first listened to it.

I often think about you when I listen to the music.

Thank you for wanting to take me to the Cafe of cats.

Love,

Miao

"And Then You"

How my thoughts they spin me 'round
And how my thoughts they let me down
And how my thoughts they spin me 'round
And how my thoughts they let me down

How my dreams they spin me 'round
And how my dreams they let me down
And how my thoughts they spin me 'round
And how my thoughts they let me down

And then there's you
Then there's you
And then there's you
Then there's you

How my love it spins me 'round
And how my love it's let me down
And how my thoughts they spin me 'round
And how my thoughts they let me down

And then there's you
Then there's you
And then there's you
Then there's you

You know I know who that you love
I've written it on myself, if you can't tell
With a melody that climbs and then falls, then falls, then falls
Without you, without you

How my days they spin me 'round
And how today it sets me down
And how my days they spin me 'round
And how today it sets me down

Alongside you
Alongside you
Alongside you

Little Prince

Dear MM,

These two days you always appeared in my dreams, I don't know why I missed you so much that even in my dream you were still there.

I love your voice when you were reading the fable and "the Little Prince", imagining that you children would be very happy to have a father reading bedtime stories to them.

I never would think that I could remember where the fox appeared in the book, when I was saying Chapter 21, it was just an intuition. I love the fox in the book, because I know that I'm usuallly the fox waiting for the little prince, and seeing the little prince leaving saying that everytime when it sees the grain, the color will always remind it of him.

"The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The prince has tamed fox, but was tamed by the rose. he went back to see his beloved instead of carrying on the responsibility for fox.

Who is your rose? But I think I'm your little fox.

Love,

Miao

One Year - New Life

Dear Moumoun,

I noticed your lost today, when you said that you couldn't sleep well, I suddenly thought of something and began to check last year's flight ticket. It was today last year when I came back from China to work. You were in a bad mood, and you said you would tell me on the way home. You didn't say anything until after 2 stations together on the line A. You told me that you lost your father the week before. I saw your red eyes. At that moment all I wanted was to hug you deeply. But I stayed frozen in the train watching your leaving figure while the doors closed.

It's been a whole one year. I don't know how you and your family survived, but you did it. There had been so many times that I wanted to be aside with you but I didn't know how. Maybe you could feel my heart, couldn't you?

This is the anniversary, you saw the lost of life but I saw the new life in me this morning first. Life is magic when it comes and it goes. But life keeps going on. You've been brave enough to suffer the pain of losing the life you love, while I have to have much more courage to face the new life I want to love.

Moumoun, maybe this is God talking to you too, isn't it? You said that you were joking with you girlfriend to marry her, I know you might be serious in your heart, you need a new family to warm you to help you to think of the pain less.

You'll have much more new life in the new year, my dear, have a good night, pray for you to have a good sleep.

Love,

Miao