It's been a year

Dear Moumoun,

It's been a year. I still remember the night I cried for you. I stayed up all night log struggling about getting married. Last year at bout this time, I recommended you the song Say Something. It's been a year, but this song still can have me respnated.

All through this year I've learned a lot, about love, about myself and about God. Not being able to control my feelings once made me feel very guilty. Then I finally realize that's why I need the help from God. If love was really the feeling I decided to accept that and decided to love you like God loves me. God loves me silently, always opening His arms to me. While my love for you was selfish and easy to get me jealous. And now I couldn't even keep the friendship with you. Just because I couldn't love you as I thought I could.

Once I found that I was not so important to you, I felt offended and depressed, even desperate. I couldn't help myself thinking over and over again about what you had said and that you failed to do. You appeared so impatient to me and you had no time to understand me. Even as a friend I could not understand how you can ignore an "important" person like this. Not to say that I love you so much, it's much easier to feel hurt.

In order to protect myself, I chose to stay far away. I don't know whether you understand or not, as you always appeared and confirmed that you understand while doing the things proving that you hadn't understand. I don't know what this situation will lead. But as for now, it is the best choice.

I count each day to leave so that I'll never see you again. As you employee and the only person who works for the project, I have to ask for your help, while you always have no time for me, the same way you treat me as a friend. You said that I'm always susceptible and as a pregnant woman my mood is so changeable. What else could I say? You never tried to put on my shoes, even once.

It is a shame that I always write the same grumbles here which has no sense at all. It just can't change anything.

Now let me say something sweet. I've dreamed of you twice recently. You protected me from two bad dogs, and hold me as I was crying.

Love,

Miao