Do you know how suffering it is that I count every day before the end of my mission? I have to see you each day, but keep myself far away from you, and not too far as I have to work with you. You brought the strawberries today. I don't want myself thinking that you brought it for me. I don't wanna think that I'm as important for you, and get disappointed again.
Fang fang asked me once whether I'm happier leaving you or staying with you. I said to her that staying with you I'm sometimes very happy but often get really really sad, and leaving you makes my life not happy, but not so sad either. It's better staying away.
You thought that the coming back of A will make me happier? I hated how you said that. But his return doesn't change anything. You never know your importance to me. But it doesn't matter, as long as I will say goodbye to you. Hopefully never see you again.
It's really magic the time. Not long ago I couldn't imagine the life without you, and now I'm thinking of saying farewell as soon as possible. You've changed me so much. I'm afraid that I am not able any more to give one my heart as I did for you. It really hurt a lot.
You mentioned seeing me again in October to prepare for my interview. I asked you why I had to do it with you. You never thought about the possibility of losing me so you could treat me not caring for me as much? I'm really sorry that you were too important to me that I can feel that there's little care for me from you.
Bye bye Moumoun, hope the end comes earlier.
Miao
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