Shame

Dear Moumoun,

Life seems different since last week. I don't want to go to work to see you. What mattered to me no longer matters. Not being with you still makes me feel sad, but I tend to be more comfortable to accept it. As I know it's definitely the part of my life I have to accept.

You joked that how could you do without me at work. But for me it was really a problem. The difference now is that I'm learning to accept it.

I feel ashamed, being jealous with the girl with whom you'll spend your rest of your life. I feel sad that I could not participate in you future life. I feel jealous thinking that so many things you could do but you didn't do to me is just because you didn't want to, it's just that I'm not as important as this girl to you...

How could I complain this, I have no right, all what you had done was reasonable, because we are just friends.

I hate myself thinking I could love you purely without asking rewards, but I couldnt; I hate myself thinking through all these irreasonable needs.it should have been much better to admit being in love with you and then have the heart broken for a short period and then all will become normal. But now I could do nothing, I have to play the role as the fox as well as I can though my heart is breaking because I couldn't have a same big heart.

It's been just not even 2 years, but it seemed that I've already spenty whole life loving you, it's tood hard for me, Moumoun. I feel so sorry and so ashamed with myself. I hope God could help me to do better.

Miao