Blue

Dear Moumoun,

Sorry for not being able to pretend everything is Ok, and not being able to tell you anything face to face.

You make me sadder that you didn't say goodbye to me.  You said once, that though I didn't get all your attention, but I'm privileged in your heart. Does that mean that though you foget me often, I'm still important to you?

I'll never do the same thing to you. I just can't. I feel that you're cruel to me, but how could I complain, this is all my own choice.

I read an article saying by the time we've grown up we get used to the departure of the passengers in our life, that we don't take time to say goodbye. But I'm still not grown up, I have to prepare the goodby long time before I leave. We never know what will happen next moment, I prefer not to leave things for me to regret. You're one of them. I don't know what sense it makes to you, but it means a lot to me.

You always say that I don't know how important I am to you, but usually I couldn't feel as much as you describe. You were joking about leaving work to take care of the baby with me, you were joking that you would make the declaration of love to me... Don't you know that some jokes hurts more than makes laugh?

We seem close in the heart, but in the real life we even don't contact each other often. You always say that you don't contact me because you don't want bother me. But the closeness of you to me should mean that you're someone that I never hesitate when I want to contact you. Our relationship is so weird. I don't know what should I do. 

Hope this two months will pass quickly.

Miao