It's been so happy hanging around you recently. Though I haven't shared with you my sadness since so long time ago.
I think you may understand why I don't want a baby. Because I'm not good enough to be a good mother. And I don't want to destroy one's life. Ironically, I hope that I could have enough importance for some people in my life, for example, you. But I'm afraid of being so important to someone else that I'll destroy all.
I didn't want to stay fix in one place, God gave me a family.
I don't want to live, God may have put a life in my body.
He just wants me to face the responsibilities He gives me. I always want to run away, but I always stay, pretending that I'm obediant enough.
Moumoun, I don't know why you could guess that I'm pregnant. But do you know that I really want to hide myself and cry aloud on one's shoulder?
I dreamed a giant sea, deep blue last night.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
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