Recently it's so coincident that you often asked me about the things I talked in the blog precedently. It seems like that you're reading my blog. Hahaha. It must be funny that when you really saw the blog one day (or never).
Last Friday you asked me whether Y wanted to have the children. My answer is probably. And finally I found myself is likely pregnant yesterday :( I wanted to talk with you face to face. But you don't come today. We must be destined to miss each other many times this life.
I really don't like the responsibility. I thought that with someone like you, you can understand me more easily, because you have the similar strugglings as me. But life is always the opposite, the more difficult way. You said that you'll miss me after I leave this mission. I don't know if it is because that you know we may not see each other again much. Or it is just because you felt that you would miss me with my absence, but when the day really comes, you'll forget what you said the other day. What's more, I've been absent for long time, haven't you ever realize that?
Dear Moumoun, I don't think that I could be a good mother. I don't know how to really love someone. If there's really a life in my body, I scare that what I think, what I act, what I eat would hurt him/her, or influence him/her in a bad way. A mother feeling insecure, how could she give the sense of security to her child. I don't want him/her to face the sadness, the breakness, the darkness of this ugly world...
I miss you, hope you'll get better and come tomorrow. Seeing you can always cheer me up in some way.
Love,
Miao
No comments:
Post a Comment