Disappointment & Suicide

Dear MM,

When the colleague called you Moumoun in front of me, I felt sad, as I know that Moumoun has gone away with the dying of another me.

Life is sad, you know it as well as me, maybe better than me. But still, when you talked about not afraid of death, I still feel sad, for you and for me, for both of us. Maybe we both are too disapponited with the world. But we couldn't choose suicide. As the life is supposed to be given and taken by God. It may be not a coincidence that after getting up this morning I saw an article about suicide. It says that the suicide is often caused by the depression, which is very commun in our daily life.
At the beginning, it quoted the passage of the poem of Edward Thomas :

Hope now,--not health nor cheerfulness,
Since they can come and go again,
As often one brief hour witnesses,--

Just hope has gone forever.

Those who live hard in the world  are those who have no hope. We Christians have hope in Jesus. That's why we're still living but sadly. But I can feel the light from God as I'm in the darkness. I still feel thankful, as I know my living here may be useful for some reason, as God is helping me. So are you. Moumoun, even though you feel dying is nothing scaring, but your existence here right now in this place means something, you may not know or realize, but the reason exists. I think you may know better than me, that's why you are still there, doing what you think are right.

Sorry for leaving you immediatement when the girl wanted to show the intimacy with you. I just felt it unnecessary to stay and to watch the drama. I know you understand me.

Hope you'll be better every day. I should rebegin praying for you and your family.

Miss you.

Love,

Miao