You were saying that you might go to an island during the vocation soon in February. I still remember the message you sent to me asking whether I would go with you if you went to a deserted island.
It was just half a year ago. But it seems somewhere far far away in the dreams.
You said I seemed joyful recently. I said no. It's just I no longer show you the real me again. Because you don't like her either. You prefer a me always cheering others up. There's no need being vulnerable in front of you as you don't like my vulnerability. I'm sorry. I really feel sorry. You said that you're proud of me that I can hide my feelings. But for me, I hate myself for not have the possibility to be a real me in front of you. I hate myself having considered you as the one I could trust totally, but in the end it turned out that you couldn't afford it.
I have to let it go, no other choice, no matter how I don't really want. There're many things that I don't do, not because I can't, but because I don't want to. When you said that you found me being normal again, I just smiled. Maybe for you, a normal me should be like this, then I'll let you be happy with this.
Going to the island with her is a good idea. All the story about you and me and the island has been buried with the dying me.
Oh, I'll start the immersing into the sad sea. I have to stop. Just not to think a lot is better, I hope I can live simplier too. Thank you for being there to listen to me.
Missing you.
Love,
Miao
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