I began to miss you again, maybe it's because the life seems more difficult after the "ups" last week. I feel missing some part of myself too. It seems that I'm not there. Maybe it's because of the afraid of getting pregnant, or just because of becoming familiar with the different me living without being vulnerable in front of you. Fangfang said she likes me like this more. Me like this makes everyone's life easier. But I don't like her, as I know it's not true her. As everyone prefers the simplicity, I choose the way much more popular. Maybe you've noticed too, something changed, in you and in me, and in us. It's not sad, but just the difference makes the situation a little bit unfamiliar and, a bit cold.
Sarah recommended me the book "Disappointment with God", for me it's all about disappointment about myself, maybe the idea behind is the disappointment with God. I'll read the book one day.
Luckily, I have you here, I can talk to you about anything. Though you never reply, I must have known your answer. Thank you for being my friend.
Still missing you.
Love,
Miao
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