I'm thinking of you. Once I can't get news from you, I start to miss you. I dreamed of you last night. I don't know how will I survive when I will not see you any more.
It's difficult to explain the things about the emotion or the heart. But everytime I had the patience to explain to you what happened in my mind, in my heart. You always say that you understand my feeling, but you don't understand why.
What you said about losing trust on me hurted me too. Maybe you'll never understand why I can be so easily hurt by what you said, what you joked. Me either. Fangfang asked me, "Is he really so important for you? That it worths being always hurt and sad instead of being yourself again?" I don't know. I can't answer this question either. Because you may be just an imagination, what I stick to and persevere for is because I still believe that there's something that worths fighting for. But I don't know what it is. Maybe you could feel that I might cry when you said that you don't trust me as much as before. Each time after hurted, I still give you my heart, open it to you, being vulnerable to you, not because I don't think that you would hurt me, but because, I don't care even it hurts.
There's a very popular film in China, A Chinese Odyssey. It may appear difficult to understand, without the background of culture. But it's a story mainly about love and the reality. The man wants to go back through time to save his bloved one, so he patiently uses the time machine again and again trying to save her when she suicided. He failed each time. Then he met another girl who loves him so deep, but in the man's heart, all he wants is to get his beloved back to life. So he cheated the girl who loves him just to get the time machine back, to save his beloved.
I'll come back to tell you the story later. Today is Christmas, we'll go to eat out and see a movie together with the friends.
You said that you would play and sleep today. Have a good day!
Love,
Miao
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