Dilemma

Dear Moumoun,

How's your weekend? Have you forgotten all that has happened last week?

I still can't stay calm when thinking of the fact that you said "Don't count on me ever again that I would tell you what I think, or else we'll be no longer friends." It is good that God keeps me busy on His day, as I had no time to spare to immerse into the sadness, like the darkness in the deep sea.

I thought about you, I thought about what you had said, it was just like yesterday that you were saying that you would take me to the seaside if I felt sad. I went to the seaside, really, but without you. You are always the one who seems more calm, you can take anything easy. You seem to take me easy too, you felt unfair when I said this. It's OK if you don't take me very seriously, because I know each one has his/her preference, the one I like may not like back, it's nothing more than normal like this, what makes me sad is that you don't admit it. Maybe you're really feeling bad that I misunderstand you as you take me really serious. But now you just refuse to convey it. Come on, what am I supposed to do. Most of the time I have to guess, so I couldn't get you exactly, I have the doubt, it's acceptable no? As you're always the one who doesn't express, and who doesn't show your real need at work. Sometimes I feel that I'm just a special colleague for you.

I ask tomorrow off, I'll go to Carrie's apartment to see a film with Grace and her. I feel a bit sad about Grace's leaving to Belgium. Departure is always like this. As I have no courage to talk to you any more, I'll share with you here. It's better that I don't have to go to work, worrying about what reactions you'll have. Don't have to wait carefully where you'll eat, when you'll leave. You might act normally to me, and I have to pretend nothing happened, I have to become another you. I feel so bad, that you put me back among the colleague league. Thinking about this, I don't want to go back to work any more. At least I could live longer in my imagination.

Missing you, missing the days back back long ago.

I want to leave.

Love,

Miao