So much to say

Dear Moumoun,

I have so much to tell you, but each time I don't know how to say it. I felt happy that you two get back along well together. Maybe it was my misunderstanding, I always feel that you are leaving me away. But it's natural, as you have new life, and you'll have a new family soon. You might say again that I don't trust you. But ... Sometimes it's hard to face the change.

We no longer go home together, you get used to not reply my messages. You don't share so much in your heart with me any more. Maybe I'm not losing you, I'm just losing the patience I had for you.

But what can I ask for? I'm just not that important. And technically I don't need to be important to you either. As the theory of true love is never asking the reward. But sometimes I still feel blue, sometimes feeling ignored and lonely.

Luckily, this kind of feeling normally doesn't stay for long. Because I can write to you this way, even though you might never read them...

It really hurt seeing you being hurt so hard. You said you've forgiven her, but it'll take a bit long time to feel better, like when you were mad at me, even you forgave me, but it took long to get better. Maybe it's not fair to say that, but I felt more hurt than you, I didn't say anything like "never be friend again"... And you didn't try to understand me, while I made every effort to let you understand me, you never replied me... It was why this blog was born.

I couldn't tell whether I prefer the period before or after when you said that. But I prefer myself now than before. At least I'm more rational about my feelings for you and I accept it.

If it should be this way that works between you and me, I'll let it be.

In my head I've imagined millions of times that we'll not keep in touch after I leave this mission, every time I feel the same pain. But I insist cherishing every moment I can enjoy with you, as I don't know which one will be the last one.

I have so much to say, so much...

Love,

Miao